Biannual Russian Roulette
by jack63kids
Summary: This is for Ennui Enigma who is my inspiration and support through difficult times. Happy Birthday, honey. Fanfic is that bit richer for having you here. Story: John says that presents from Sherlock are 'like biannual Russian Roulette where every chamber has a bullet' - read on to find out why. Song: The Caroling Cockroaches strike (up) again ...
1. Biannual Russian Roulette

_**This is a birthday present for my good friend, Ennui Enigma who gives inspiration, support, encouragement, entertainment and laughs in all the right places. The fanfic world would be that bit less rich without you, EE.**_

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**This is the story of how Sherlock Holmes was banned from giving presents to his best friend, his one true friend, John Watson. I shall let John tell you in his own words ... when he finishes his rant to Sherlock after the last birthday present ...**

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"That is absolutely the last time that you give me anything, Sherlock, other than a headache, which is hardly a present. Your gifts are too damned brutal!

"I've had disappointments before - a set of encyclopedias when I thought I was getting a bike - a Tippy-Tumbles* when Harry switched our presents once from Auntie Beryl ...

"But nothing like that alarm clock that actually exploded, the antique that the V&A wanted back, that, ... that ... whateveritwas that oozed blood ...

"It's like biannual Russian Roulette where every chamber has a bullet!"

Sherlock looked sullen. He'd thought long and hard about every one of those presents, and this was all the thanks it brought.

"What was so terrible about this year's birthday present?" he asked. "I thought that aftershave was a traditional gift. I asked Lestrade especially what would be best."

"The last thing I remember Greg saying", said John with a long sigh, "was 'good grief, Sherlock, not the one that was in evidence!' before hitting the deck with a bump!"

"Visiting time's over, Mr Holmes." The nurse came over and fussed inconsequentially around John's bedside.

Sherlock made to leave, but not before John fixed him with a glare and said. "So what would have been next, eh? Xylyl Bromide?"

Sherlock was undaunted. "I know it's three days late, but, John - Happy Birthday!"

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_**And Happy Birthday to you too, EE! I hope that you won't sniff anything that Sherlock has given you and end up unconscious in hospital for three days - people really should be more specific! If Greg suggests a good present idea and then thoughtfully provides it the following day on his desk - well! What else was Sherlock to have surmised!?  
**_

*** Btw, Tippy-Tumbles was a doll with a motor in it that made it do somersaults across the floor. My brother had his eye on mine for use in a tank of his own design ...**


	2. The Caroling Roaches

_**This is part 2 of EE's birthday present ... Happy Birthday, my friend, and hugs and blessing from Dorset and from the Singing Roaches of Cameroon ...**_

**As you listen to the intro to this ditty, picture the Roaches (as opposed to the Roches, who wrote and sung the original version) sitting in front of Sherlock's hearth, their Santa hats firmly on their little heads, their antennae waving in time to the beat, singing their little hearts out ...**

We've gone away to London Town  
We've gone away to London London  
London Town  
London Town  
We'll try not to get in the way of the boots  
As we always do  
Try not to get in the way of the boots  
Down the Tube ...

We're taking a train to Dorset soon  
We're taking a train to Dorset Dorset  
Dorset soon, Dorset soon

I dreamed I saw a big cake  
Rolling off down the platform  
Please be careful with the big cake  
It was hard to bake

We're leaving behind old Sherlock soon  
We're leaving behind John Watson, Watson  
Watson soon  
Sherlock soon  
I hope they have koki in Dorset  
And Poisson Fumé aux Gombos  
If they don't have those things in Dorset  
We'll go with the flow

We're going away to London - London - tube trains - ocean - Sherlock - Watson - (ad infinitum! and in 3 parts)  
_Poisson Fumé aux Gombos!_  
_Poisson Fumé aux Gombos!_

_**From the original by the singing trio of sisters, the Roches.**_  
**The Troubles** watch?v=3MAtQHNpzh4


End file.
